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Woody has questions for Penn & more tricks for you to try at home, or at work, or at the gym, but definitely not while driving to work, unless it’s a fully autonomous car & you aren’t subject to laws requiring your hands on the steering wheel regardless. We continue our holiday tradition of welcoming Piff the Magic Dragon & his Piffmas Pifftacular.

The trappings of success: caloric surplus, fake coffee, a new weight system, disproportionate candy, & difficult ad copy.

Penn discovers that making movies and making friends are not mutually exclusive.

Penn reveals his dad’s early showbiz advice and returns the favor when he meets a young 9 year magic genius, Alex Newberg backstage at the Rio.

Penn and Matt discuss gays rights and free speech with ‘Kindly Inquisitors’ author Jonathan Rauch.

Penn has more issues with popular music lyrics and a major beef with the FDA. Ed comes on to chat about cancer and heart disease from the frontier of modern medicine.

Penn also addresses the Chicago time capsule that wasn’t.

Penn & the crew discuss the November 13 terrorist attacks in France, then talk to the Desert Bus For Hope charity at Fuhrman’s facts, & Penn runs out of gas in his electric car. Phil Robertson defends atheism accidentally; Indiana revives the gay cake argument for free speech; Penn’s New York Times article about electing an atheist president; & a congregation member loses his job for listening to Penn’s Sunday School.

Penn teaches Dustin and Matt how to speak in present tense for reality shows, discusses whether Johnny Depp can wrestle 10 turkeys to death, Bacon and Doughnuts, the amazing Pilobolus “dance” show in NYC, and can a turtle tell a great joke?

Penn takes sides on the white house petition to deport Piers Morgan.

) & Holly Dunsworth (Sociology & Anthropology department chair for the University of Rhode Island) tell us when we learned about where babies come from.

Their argument has far-reaching implications against strict Darwinists & the religious.

Penn gives his daughter an action figure of himself and has the boys wonder about action figures of their own fathers, including “Dave Donnelly, Public Defender”.