I think all the buildup actually raised my expectations too much, because the one and only time Ben and I were physically intimate with each other, it was a bit of a disappointment.
Oh yes, he was sexually dominant: He instructed me to strip, to crawl on the floor and fellate him, and he spanked me with the paddle he kept in his closet.
(“Slap Happy” cannot be found online, but writer Amanda Marcotte at the feminist blog Pandagon wrote about it here.
And my article was included on the syllabus for a Rutgers University Human Sexuality class!
My boyfriends freshman and sophomore year of college both spanked me.
And this other guy I dated in college actually took me to a “spanking club” in New York City where he rented a paddle and spanked me in public. He could be stern and take charge when he needed to. And he spanked me and dominated me in bed all the time, of course.
It was messy, it was bad, and it was a horrible time in my life.
It’s not necessarily worth repeating and if you must, you can read about it here.
Ben and I weren’t just friends who became attracted to each other; we were both extremely, extremely interested in exploring sexual roles as a dom (him) and a sub (me).
Thirty seconds later, a text message: “Very nice.” Then I knew I could leave for work. But I haven’t been totally forthcoming about the nature of our relationship.
For example, I had a co-worker who was experiencing some difficulties and being the naturally hyper-anxious person that I am, I’d fret all the time about the fate of her job. But there was the more obvious domination “play” component: As part of our “play,” I would ask him permission to do lots of things.
“Don’t worry about her; it’s not your responsibility. I told him about all the kinds of bras and panties in my drawers and each morning he’d tell me which ones to wear, which I would send him in a photo. I would ask him if I could watch a movie or if I had to work on writing a freelance article more.
And when it came to outside-of-bed stuff, Ben described Rachel as resisting his natural inclination towards leadership.