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Kira Brown, 34, from Phoenix, AZ, owned a business with her ex-husband and wishes she'd also hired a financial planner for help negotiating her settlement.3. According to financial analyst Sandy Arons, a divorcee herself, 40% of divorce proceedings are about money.So get as much information as you can about your shared accounts to be well-informed before court.

Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living the divorce proceedings start. Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up."If you don't know what you'll need in the future, you won't be able to ask for it and you surely won't get it," she says. For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as

Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living the divorce proceedings start. Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up.

"If you don't know what you'll need in the future, you won't be able to ask for it and you surely won't get it," she says. For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as $1,000 per month.

Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony.

"I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says.

"Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired.

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Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living the divorce proceedings start. Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up."If you don't know what you'll need in the future, you won't be able to ask for it and you surely won't get it," she says. For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as $1,000 per month.Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony."I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says."Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired.

,000 per month.Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony."I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says."Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired.

Try to have money available—like ,000—within days. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife—and their children—what life is like on a lower salary," she says.

"It can leave him feeling stigmatized or reinforce that the divorce is his fault," says Doares, though therapy's a good option if the behavior change is extreme. She now has a blog, Plenty Perfect.com, and sees new directions her life can take.

"Divorce can be the beginning of a good next chapter, even if you don't know how the book's going to end," she says.

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to do) if you're going through—or just contemplating—a divorce.

"I wasn't prepared for the loneliness that accompanied Christmas," she says.