It’s fine (actually, wonderful) to get caught up in a moment, but don’t let that moment turn into a marriage that you do not intend. When I first joined Match.com, I went out on dates with men that didn’t jive at all with what I thought I liked.
Keep some distance so that you can make informed decisions about your future.♦◊♦Seven: Be Open I know what you’re thinking: “First she cautions me to keep some distance and now she wants me to be open? I found myself consistently surprised as I found characteristics and attributes attractive that were not on my radar before.
You may be surprised to realize that there are aspects of your ex that you want again or perhaps characteristics that were not important before but are now.
The following are my suggestions for your ten commandments of dating after divorce.
One: Your “Must Haves”Take some time to generate this list; do not assume what it contains.
He emphasized the need to progress slowly, pausing along the way like divers coming from the deep.
It allowed both of time to become comfortable and provided opportunity to work through issues as they arose.
Two: Your “Must Not Haves”This list compliments the one above and, in fact, you may find that it is generated at the same time. Even the ambiguous will have meaning to you as you meet people.
Like with your “must haves,” you may find that some of these are rather concrete and others are vague and hard to define. Two of my items on the “must not have” list were 1) cannot be dishonest (uhmm..great. ) and 2) cannot have kids or want kids (I have pretty strong feelings on this one and it’s not fair to start a relationship with someone who does not match me here). Just let that thought go like a helium balloon in the wind. Not every date you go one will be good, but every date you go one will teach you something.I started out with a “try anything” approach, but I soon realized that there were “anythings” out there that I had no interest in trying.Five: Take Baby Steps This one took me some trial and error. I did marriage well, whereas I had no clue how to date.Once you have your lists generated, keep them handy and allow them to be modified or updated as you date and meet new people. Try to enter every encounter with an open and curious mind, ready to receive the lessons to come.They are not set in stone, but they are also not be ignored, especially if you find yourself in the biochemical throes of love lust. That insufferably cute and perfect couple at the park is either in the biochemical throws of lust or has another side to their relationship that you do not see. On some dates, you might learn about someone else, some you may learn about yourself, and yet others you may learn about the intricacies of being a private pilot for a billionaire (yup, true story there).It can be so tempting to expand yourself like a pressurized gas let out of a sealed container.