We were both always aware of the existence of other lovers, but it was clear that we were each other's favorite.It occurred to us that we could keep the excitement and variety, and still let ourselves fall in love with each other. And since then I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how we make it work and why we would even do that in the first place. In fourth grade, I got in trouble with my boyfriend because he found out I had another boyfriend.
We make a point not to spend too much time with secondary partners. But that's something we've never really had to make an effort for.
We can, and sometimes do become friends with them, especially if they hang around for a couple years, but we have to cut it off if it becomes more than that. Rule 3: Always get consent from the person who’s getting involved.
The great thing is, once you’ve decided that you can include other people or lovers into your relationship, you can make it whatever you want.
It's up to the couple to decide what levels of involvement with secondary partners feels comfortable.
With my current setup with Adam, he knows that yes, I am attracted to other people and am sleeping with some. And there’s no confidence booster like remembering that it’s me whom he comes home to and loves deeply. He knows all of my quirks, he knows what makes me tick and how to reason with me.
Nobody knows me like Adam does, and nobody is going to know him like I do.
They also welcome multitudes into their bed for great big orgies.
Adam and I keep our lovers separate (more on that later).
It wasn’t until Adam and I created our arrangement that I realized I could actually have it all: commitment and freedom. I know lots of people who have very successful monogamous relationships and are really happy together.
But a lot of people are challenging the conventional relationship style, and it’s working for them—just like it’s working for me.
We made a new rule then: No sleeping with Facebook friends, no friending lovers. Every attractive woman was a potential threat in my mind, and I was paranoid about my boyfriends’ connections with other people.